• Jude-Anne Phillip

Drop the list: A guide to finding a good man (or woman)

Updated: May 30, 2019

I have an amazing husband, there is no doubt about it. He is loving, caring, respectful, attentive, an amazing father to our son and I am sure he will be an amazing father to our soon to be little boy/girl (as a bonus he also cooks for me and gives me back massages).

I am lucky!

So how did I find such a rare specimen of a man? I stopped following the list.

We are all guilty of having a list, THAT list. The one that defines the type of man or woman (because men have lists too) we must date to guarantee a perfect marriage, perfect children and the perfect house. The perfect future.

These lists often tend to be filled with superficial details (tall, good looking, older than me, good job, nice car, athletic, takes me out to dinner, spoils me, buys me the moon and the sun and the stars) and often women and men find themselves missing out on what could be an amazing relationship just because one of those boxes is not checked.

When my husband and I met I will be honest it was not love at first sight, for neither of us.

He was not  that tall, although he thinks he is; he was skinnier than I preferred; he looked a mess, which now he explains was tiredness because he had a long day, and he was younger than I was, which was a big deal for me.

He was not working at the time, which was not a major issue for me because people go through situations, but on paper, for those following a list, that probably would have been a deal breaker.

But I gave him a chance and he gave me a chance. We talked, we laughed and eventually I started to realize how much we had in common and how easy it was to have a conversation with him and be silly around him.

I started to realize how much he made me laugh and how much fun I had when I was with him.

The more we spoke the more I saw how pure his heart was and how generous he was. I saw how he treated his friends and his family, often putting their welfare ahead of his own; how he treated my mother when she was ill and how wonderful he was with children.

I started to see all of the qualities in him that would make him or any man for that matter a good husband and father. None of these qualities included money or positions or the type of car he drove but they were the characteristics that really matter and that truly determine whether or not you will have a happy future with someone.

We have been together for six years soon to be seven and will celebrate our third wedding anniversary this year. We do have ups and downs and go through financial struggles and other challenges just like any young couple, but my son and I are never in need of anything because he provides us with unconditional love, support and silliness when needed. 

I can honestly say that I have found the man of my dreams, or better than my dreams. All because I took a chance and got rid of the list.

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